WOO HOO!!!!!

I have been wanting to sit down and post this for a week now, but have been so busy with my NEW JOB that I couldn't! Boy, it feels soooo good to say that! I have been unemployed for 9 months. The fact that I have stayed afloat this long is just a testament to God working through other people on my behalf. I just feel like I need to share my testimony abut how my job came about because there's someone out there who needs to know that God hears them. This may be a little long-winded, but for those of you that know me, well...I'm a little long-winded!
I had been praying for a job for 9 months. As I looked back on it, I did pray, but sometimes I didn't PRAY. Sometimes it takes a little more than just whispering in our beds at night before falling asleep in the middle of it. I really felt like God sent me the sermon about Elijah (see way down on the blog posts) and that He was telling me to be patient because he was refining me. Who knows it's hard to be patient when your house is about to be repossessed, your bills need to be paid, and school is about to start and your kid needs school clothes? So, instead of trying to control everything, I just trusted God. That's not to say that I didn't sometimes try to take the wheel from God, but he always brought me back to the place of relinquishing control. God had to bring me to the place of brokenness so He could rebuild me and recycle me. Throughout this time, I paid my tithes pretty faithfully. When I got money, even a little bit, I paid my tithes.
A couple of months ago, I realized that I was on the edge of broke. I didn't know how I was going to pay things anymore and so I made the very hard decision to go back to work and leave Griffin. It seemed like no matter how many resumes I sent out, I was rejected. Even Target rejected me. It took me a while, but I finally got serious with God. I stopped the bed praying and got down to Knee Praying. On July 1st, I began to fast with my son. One of the things I was fasting for was a job...but not A job. THE job. I wanted God to hook me up with a job serving him and I told him I didn't care if it was cleaning toilets. And I really, truly meant it. I did not want to go back to an environment where I felt pressured to go have drinks after work or be in an environment where there was just too much filth that I felt like I had to take a shower when I came home from work. It was hard to fast. I'm still breastfeeding and my milk supply began to suffer and I can't tell you how hungry I was. And I was only fasting breakfast, but as the time grew, so did how hungry I got in the mornings!
So, one day I had a job interview and I was getting ready in the morning. While I was putting on my makeup, I was talking to God and I was just laying it all out for Him about what I wanted and what I needed. He kept putting this thought in my mind, Did you pay your tithes this week? See, I didn't really have any money coming in, but I had received some child support from Cade's dad and some money from a friend of mine, and some money from my mom. I had earmarked it to pay a certain bill (my house note) and had just enough. But I didn't pay my tithes out of it because then I would be short and couldn't pay my house note. But God asked me again if I had paid my tithes. I tried explaining to God that I would be short and I really felt like God was saying, don't worry about the house note. Worry about being obedient to me. So I told God, okay, I'll pay them Wednesday when I go to church. But God said, NOW. It's truly one of the clearest times I've heard Him. Of course I argued with God that it was a Monday, and He still said, NOW. I blew it off and continued to get dressed for my interview.
When I got to the interview, I pulled into the parking lot, but I couldn't get out of my car. I was on the phone with my mom and she told me to get my butt out of the car right now and get into that interview, but I just couldn't do it. I felt like I was going to vomit. I had driven a long way for the chance to interview, but I just couldn't go. So, I turned my car around to go home.
Since I was so far already, I decided to go to the Winbourne campus, home of our Baton Rouge Dream Center and volunteer for the day. I figured it was a good investment of my time. God immediately brought back to mind me paying my tithes. I had to laugh out loud. I said, Okay, God, you're right. I AM going to church on a Monday, so I will pay my tithes. I wrote my check in the car. One hundred and twenty dollars.
When I got to the church, I had missed the cafe that they have where people come in for free drinks and food and just talk about needs they might have: clothing, food, shelter, drug abuse, everything. I found Hope, the pastor's wife and just pulled her off to the side. I had only spoken to Hope a handful of times, but she had always been so nice and so genuine to me that I knew she wouldn't think I was a weirdo when I told her that God told me to pay my tithes. As I began to tell her the story, I began to cry. I told her that it was hard for me to part with the money because it meant I was still 5 payments behind in my house and facing foreclosure. She cried too, and told me that God would bless my offering and return it to me. It was the hardest tithes I've had to pay.
A couple of weeks passed and I volunteered for vacation bible school at Winbourne. I just have such a heart for that culture and just wanted to reach out to those kids. While I was there, I ran into a woman I had met at a crab boil named Melba. Melba and I didn't know each other that well, but we had seen each other at church and she just acted like we were old friends. It was so awesome to have someone to talk to when I didn't know but a couple people there. She told me about a mini-Pamper Night that they were hosting for the women that she worked with and would I be interested in helping her. I jumped on the bandwagon immediately. I told her I would help with anything she needed. We exchanged phone numbers and I told her I'd call her the upcoming week.
A few days later, on a Saturday, I got a phone call from Hope. I didn't really even know that she knew my phone number. She told me that the PRI group was looking for a Case Manager and would I be interested? I didn't know what PRI was and didn't care. Whatever it was, I was interested. She gave me William Bradford's number and told me to call. I didn't call that day because we were visiting my family in Alexandria. But on Sunday, as I was on my way home, and I gave William a call. I told him that I was sorry to bother him on a Sunday, but I didn't want to miss the opportunity to interview for the position. He explained to me what the job entailed and asked if I was still interested. I said I was and he set up an interview for Monday.
On my way home, I called Melba to let her know about some of the things I had pulled together for the Pamper Night. I heard on her voicemail that she worked for the Step Out program and when I talked to her, I asked if she was in the same building with the PRI people, hoping to get a chance to talk with her face to face about the Pamper Night. She said, PRI and Step Out are the same program. I told her that I would stop by on Monday because I was going to be in the building interviewing with William. She said, for the Case Manager position? I said, Yeah, actually. She then told me that was her position that I would be interviewing for and that she was moving to a different position. I died laughing! Then she said, You know William. That's whose house the crab boil was at! I couldn't believe I had walked into this. How hilarious!
I continued to pray and fast. I told God that I would fast until he responded. On Monday, I went to the interview. It was unlike any interview I had ever been to. If I thought for a second William would show any favoritism because we knew each other, that was quickly put to rest. It was an intense interview, but it was the very first job interview I've ever been in where I was completely honest. I told William that I knew I was the right person for the job because I knew where these women were coming from. I know what it was like to make six figures and I knew what it was like to sleep in my car. I knew what it was like to be an addict and feel completely hopeless and I knew what it was like to be delivered from the depths of hell. I knew more recently what it was like to make more than most people did in two years as a yearly salary and then the next day be applying for food stamps. We concluded the interview and I felt pretty good about it, but I was a little raw. Did I tell too much? Would he hold that against me? It was the first time I had ever told my whole testimony. Maybe he would think I was too broken to be there.
I got a call for a second interview a few days later. Last Tuesday I went and met with some leaders of our church for my final interview. I knew it was between me and another woman. I saw her come out and she was so polished and I felt like a little kid next to her. I had prayed all the way to the church and was so overjoyed. I felt like God had really told me that this was my job. Now, all of a sudden, I began to doubt myself. I got into the interview and began my story. I was asked some very pointed questions like, It seems like you have a history of very impulsive behavior. How can you assure us that you won't be impulsive and will last? This woman really forced me to turn a mirror on myself. It's so scary to share your testimony with someone and have them not embrace you, but instead take you deeper into it. I never felt judged or condemned, just laid open, raw. When I left the interview, I called Jennifer bawling! I blew it, I blew it, I said. She spoke some real words of wisdom into my heart and as I drove home, God brought this scripture to my mind: "Be still and know that I am God." He said, I am God, your provider. I am God, your warrior. I am God, your victory. Isn't that awesome!!??
I was actually at Winbourne, putting together our Pamper Night when I got the call from William and Melba. As William offered me the job, I began jumping up and down in the hall, still trying to be quiet so he wouldn't know. I didn't even ask how much it paid! I didn't care!!! I FINALLY had THE job!
Later, as I was telling William the story of how it all unfolded, I realized that if I would not have been obedient to God and paid my tithes that day, Hope would have never even thought of me for the job. But because I listened to God and gave that day, she knew I needed a job. Then William told me that on the Sunday when I called him, he was in the middle of praying the God would send him a Case Manager and then the phone rang.
ISN'T THAT THE COOLEST STORY!!!!!! God is so good. If only we could trust Him every time He speaks, every time He asks us to be obedient. There is someone out there that needs to know that He isn't worried about how you're going to pay your house note. He's got that. God will stretch us to the maximum point to see if we will still be obedient to Him. Do not give up. When things get tough, that means you're on the right track. Get tougher. Hunker down. Get real with God. Honor Him. Get serious about serving. And let God unfold His plan for you. He doesn't need you to help Him. He created the universe around you in 6 days. When you can do that, then maybe you can help Him. Know that he is the provider and His word is truth. He said that his children would never beg for bread.

A Child's Prayer

Have you ever heard a child pray? They are so openly honest with God. Tonight, for the first time in a long time, I prayed with my son. I know that sounds terrible. We used to pray together every night, but it got lost somewhere along the way. Today we've had alot of bad news. I think I'm still in a fog...I haven't figured out how to react yet. So, tonight we prayed together. I prayed for him and he prayed for me. I wept. I wept because it was beautiful and pure. I wept because he said things that I didn't know he felt. He prayed that God would give me a job "not some little Target checkout job, but the kind of job that my mom deserves." He prayed for his baby brother. He prayed for his Nana. My heart broke in a million pieces...I'm still a mess. He didn't want to pray in front of me because he thinks he can't pray. Wow, does he not understand that God's heart is overcome when he prays? I have to wonder if my adult prayers touch God's heart the way a child's does. Does God weep out of sheer love every time I pray the way I do when Cade prays? Does he know how beautiful and pure he is when he talks to God? I realize sometimes what a HUGE sacrifice it was for God to give his son for us. There are alot of people I love in my life. But I'm not letting my son die for any of them. I love my mother with a passion that I don't have for anyone else, but if it came down to her or my sons, well.....And to watch your son die so brutally, tortured, murdered. Surely his heart broke a million times. Surely he screamed and wailed from the grief. He knew beforehand. He knew how much pain it would cause him. He knew how terrible it would be for Jesus. But He did it anyway. I am so humbled by His love tonight that I can only weep.

Griffin's Baby Dedication

Last Sunday, Cade and I dedicated baby Griffin to God. It was one of the coolest days! My parents were there and my childhood friend, Wendi, and her little girl, The beautifulest Tessa, Donna, who saw Griffin's birth, Lizzie, Griffin's third most favorite person right after me and Cade, and Jenny and Diane, two of my newest and most adored friends. It was just so awesome to be surrounded by people that love me. I'm just so blessed to be at HPC. A few days before, Wayne Austin, DeLynn's dad, called and talked to me about baby dedication. As we were talking, he started to talk about not being ashamed of being a single mother. I didn't really ask him anything, but he told me he felt like he needed to say that to me. He told me a story of back in the day when girls would be stoned to death if they weren't virgins when they were married. The night after the husband and wife consummated their marriage, the daughter would bring the bedsheet with the blood on it to her father and he would keep the sheet as proof that his daughter was pure. Wayne told me that every time the devil tries to lie to me and make me feel ashamed, God goes and gets his sheet with his blood from the crucifixion because I am made pure by his sacrifice. I was a mess by the time he got done, but it was something I needed to hear. There are so many times that I feel ashamed, but I always have to remember that God does not condemn me and has paid the price for all sin.

Later that day, Jenny and Diane came over and brought Griffy all kinds of beautiful gifts and brought me a big ole Turtle Pie! Do my girls know me or WHAT! I am just so blessed and honored to have such a great family and great friends!

Splash Park

Make a Smilebox slideshow

What Do You Give In To ??

I was thinking this morning....what do other people give in to? What do I give in to? Fear, jealousy, control, weariness, insecurity to name a few. God has done so much for me, yet I still try to tell Him what to do with my life. How many times I've prayed, God, I need you to do this for me right now or God, I just want your will, but I really hope you'll understand that this is what I need. There is a passage in Jeremiah 1:5-10. Here it is:
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations. "Ah, Sovereign Lord, " I said, "I do not know how to speak; I am only a child." But the Lord said to me, "Do not say I am only a child. You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them for I am with you and will rescue you, " declares the Lord. Then the Lord reached out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, "Now, I have put my words in your mouth. See, today I appoint you over nations and kingdoms to uproot and tear down, to destroy and overthrow, to build and to plant."

God does not need our help. He does not need us to draw him OUR map. He said he knew us before we were in the womb. He says He has a plan for our lives. God has set us apart from everyone else. Each person he created has something special that only that person has. What I love most about God is that he doesn't just give us the task to do and then send us out alone. He says, Don't say you're a child. I, the Almighty God, Creator of the Universe will be with you and rescue you. I will give you the words to speak. I'll give you everything to do your task. And then, He doesn't just give Jeremiah lip service. He doesn't just say, Hey Man, I'll be there and I'll help you. He ACTS. God reaches down and touches Jeremiah's mouth. When God gave people sight, he touched their eyes. When God healed the deaf, he put his fingers in their ears! Our God is a hands on God. It is a very intimate act to touch someone's mouth. Think about it...when do you touch a stranger's mouth? Never. But how many times have you wet your finger and cleaned your child's mouth, kissed them on the lips? God wants an intimate relationship with us. He wants to know us and for us to trust Him. He wants to be there for us so we never have to give in. God says, Don't be afraid, don't be a child. I am there for you. Don't be insecure. You are not a child. You are a strong, powerful woman. I have called you to be a prophet to the nations. Not Baton Rouge....the NATIONS. God wants more for us than we could ever dream for ourselves. So, don't give in...don't draw God a map. He is the Creator of the Universe...he already has the map.

Does God answer prayers?

YOU BET HE DOES!!! Most of you know that times have been really tough for me and the fam after getting laid off in November and then Griff's birth. I have been trying to float my house payment for months now, just trying to stay one month ahead of foreclosure, which is why I have to go back to work. Today, out of the blue, I received a phone call from someone who had unexpectedly received a check from a vendor she had billed four years ago. She had been trying to collect this money for 4 years and had just gotten paid today. Instead of using that money for her past due bills, she called and said she was sending it to me!!!!! Can you believe that!!!???? Tell me God doesn't work in mysterious ways!!! Craziness.....

I Owe, I Owe, so it's Off to Work I Go!

Well, I don't have to tell any mother what a horrible thing it is to go back to work with a new baby. It just plain old stinks! I don't want to leave Griff, but if I wait any longer, we may be knocking on some of your doors to find a place to stay...literally. Look at that face! Is there any doubt why I would want to stay home and play with him all the time?

I finally had a breakdown. The stress finally just kicked my butt...having to worry about the house, my bills, child support, all the things single moms everywhere have to face every single day just to exist. I don't break down very often, but this one had been building for a while. I felt tense to the point I had a headache all the time and my fibromyalgia was going nuts, I wasn't sleeping well, and I was barking constantly at Cade. I tried to trust in God. He has brought me so far and has taken such good care of me that I know in my heart he wasn't going to let me fail. But I was so exhausted, mentally, physically, that I couldn't think straight, let alone pray. So, finally, I decided to call a close friend of mine, some one I consider my spiritual mentor.

Now, we all have those friends that will say "You're right, everyone else is wrong." And we all need those friends at times. But I needed truth, spiritual truth, good or painful. I needed to know why I felt so dry, why I felt like God wasn't answering me. So, I called and we talked. As the conversation progressed, I told her that I just felt like God wasn't listening and maybe he was tired of hearing me pray for the same thing. And she said something to me that brought everything into perspective in a moment. She said, "The teacher never talks during the test."

Wow!!!!! I thought about that. You know, I feel like the last year or so has been God just teaching me and teaching me. I've learned so much about depending on Him for my provision and being obedient and trusting him no matter how I felt. All these months of learning and schooling, and now, here was the test. How was I going to do? Would I crumble? Would I trust God even when I couldn't feel Him? I hadn't been able to pray in days. I didn't want to pray that night. But, I did what I know God wanted me to do. I didn't say my prayers laying in bed under the covers, half asleep like I usually do at night. I got down on my knees by my bed and I Prayed, with a capital P. I cried. I told God every feeling I was feeling, every thought I had, good or bad (He knew it anyway) and I prayed until I felt peace. And now, I still feel peace.

Don't get me wrong. I still don't WANT to go back to work and leave Griffin. But God has blessed me with a great person who's willing to come into my home and care for Griff. It's someone I trust and Griffin likes, and it's not a daycare. So, it's the best I could hope for short of staying home.

I guess what I'm saying is, God never forsakes us. He never ignores us. So, the next time you're going through a really tough time and you feel dry, like God is no where to be found, remember, "The teacher never talks during the test."