Griffin's Baby Dedication

Last Sunday, Cade and I dedicated baby Griffin to God. It was one of the coolest days! My parents were there and my childhood friend, Wendi, and her little girl, The beautifulest Tessa, Donna, who saw Griffin's birth, Lizzie, Griffin's third most favorite person right after me and Cade, and Jenny and Diane, two of my newest and most adored friends. It was just so awesome to be surrounded by people that love me. I'm just so blessed to be at HPC. A few days before, Wayne Austin, DeLynn's dad, called and talked to me about baby dedication. As we were talking, he started to talk about not being ashamed of being a single mother. I didn't really ask him anything, but he told me he felt like he needed to say that to me. He told me a story of back in the day when girls would be stoned to death if they weren't virgins when they were married. The night after the husband and wife consummated their marriage, the daughter would bring the bedsheet with the blood on it to her father and he would keep the sheet as proof that his daughter was pure. Wayne told me that every time the devil tries to lie to me and make me feel ashamed, God goes and gets his sheet with his blood from the crucifixion because I am made pure by his sacrifice. I was a mess by the time he got done, but it was something I needed to hear. There are so many times that I feel ashamed, but I always have to remember that God does not condemn me and has paid the price for all sin.

Later that day, Jenny and Diane came over and brought Griffy all kinds of beautiful gifts and brought me a big ole Turtle Pie! Do my girls know me or WHAT! I am just so blessed and honored to have such a great family and great friends!

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What Do You Give In To ??

I was thinking this morning....what do other people give in to? What do I give in to? Fear, jealousy, control, weariness, insecurity to name a few. God has done so much for me, yet I still try to tell Him what to do with my life. How many times I've prayed, God, I need you to do this for me right now or God, I just want your will, but I really hope you'll understand that this is what I need. There is a passage in Jeremiah 1:5-10. Here it is:
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations. "Ah, Sovereign Lord, " I said, "I do not know how to speak; I am only a child." But the Lord said to me, "Do not say I am only a child. You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them for I am with you and will rescue you, " declares the Lord. Then the Lord reached out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, "Now, I have put my words in your mouth. See, today I appoint you over nations and kingdoms to uproot and tear down, to destroy and overthrow, to build and to plant."

God does not need our help. He does not need us to draw him OUR map. He said he knew us before we were in the womb. He says He has a plan for our lives. God has set us apart from everyone else. Each person he created has something special that only that person has. What I love most about God is that he doesn't just give us the task to do and then send us out alone. He says, Don't say you're a child. I, the Almighty God, Creator of the Universe will be with you and rescue you. I will give you the words to speak. I'll give you everything to do your task. And then, He doesn't just give Jeremiah lip service. He doesn't just say, Hey Man, I'll be there and I'll help you. He ACTS. God reaches down and touches Jeremiah's mouth. When God gave people sight, he touched their eyes. When God healed the deaf, he put his fingers in their ears! Our God is a hands on God. It is a very intimate act to touch someone's mouth. Think about it...when do you touch a stranger's mouth? Never. But how many times have you wet your finger and cleaned your child's mouth, kissed them on the lips? God wants an intimate relationship with us. He wants to know us and for us to trust Him. He wants to be there for us so we never have to give in. God says, Don't be afraid, don't be a child. I am there for you. Don't be insecure. You are not a child. You are a strong, powerful woman. I have called you to be a prophet to the nations. Not Baton Rouge....the NATIONS. God wants more for us than we could ever dream for ourselves. So, don't give in...don't draw God a map. He is the Creator of the Universe...he already has the map.

Does God answer prayers?

YOU BET HE DOES!!! Most of you know that times have been really tough for me and the fam after getting laid off in November and then Griff's birth. I have been trying to float my house payment for months now, just trying to stay one month ahead of foreclosure, which is why I have to go back to work. Today, out of the blue, I received a phone call from someone who had unexpectedly received a check from a vendor she had billed four years ago. She had been trying to collect this money for 4 years and had just gotten paid today. Instead of using that money for her past due bills, she called and said she was sending it to me!!!!! Can you believe that!!!???? Tell me God doesn't work in mysterious ways!!! Craziness.....

I Owe, I Owe, so it's Off to Work I Go!

Well, I don't have to tell any mother what a horrible thing it is to go back to work with a new baby. It just plain old stinks! I don't want to leave Griff, but if I wait any longer, we may be knocking on some of your doors to find a place to stay...literally. Look at that face! Is there any doubt why I would want to stay home and play with him all the time?

I finally had a breakdown. The stress finally just kicked my butt...having to worry about the house, my bills, child support, all the things single moms everywhere have to face every single day just to exist. I don't break down very often, but this one had been building for a while. I felt tense to the point I had a headache all the time and my fibromyalgia was going nuts, I wasn't sleeping well, and I was barking constantly at Cade. I tried to trust in God. He has brought me so far and has taken such good care of me that I know in my heart he wasn't going to let me fail. But I was so exhausted, mentally, physically, that I couldn't think straight, let alone pray. So, finally, I decided to call a close friend of mine, some one I consider my spiritual mentor.

Now, we all have those friends that will say "You're right, everyone else is wrong." And we all need those friends at times. But I needed truth, spiritual truth, good or painful. I needed to know why I felt so dry, why I felt like God wasn't answering me. So, I called and we talked. As the conversation progressed, I told her that I just felt like God wasn't listening and maybe he was tired of hearing me pray for the same thing. And she said something to me that brought everything into perspective in a moment. She said, "The teacher never talks during the test."

Wow!!!!! I thought about that. You know, I feel like the last year or so has been God just teaching me and teaching me. I've learned so much about depending on Him for my provision and being obedient and trusting him no matter how I felt. All these months of learning and schooling, and now, here was the test. How was I going to do? Would I crumble? Would I trust God even when I couldn't feel Him? I hadn't been able to pray in days. I didn't want to pray that night. But, I did what I know God wanted me to do. I didn't say my prayers laying in bed under the covers, half asleep like I usually do at night. I got down on my knees by my bed and I Prayed, with a capital P. I cried. I told God every feeling I was feeling, every thought I had, good or bad (He knew it anyway) and I prayed until I felt peace. And now, I still feel peace.

Don't get me wrong. I still don't WANT to go back to work and leave Griffin. But God has blessed me with a great person who's willing to come into my home and care for Griff. It's someone I trust and Griffin likes, and it's not a daycare. So, it's the best I could hope for short of staying home.

I guess what I'm saying is, God never forsakes us. He never ignores us. So, the next time you're going through a really tough time and you feel dry, like God is no where to be found, remember, "The teacher never talks during the test."

Pamper Night 2009

Last night was Pamper Night 2009 at Healing Place Church. It's a night where our church (the BEST church in the world) brings in people from spas and salons all over town and they give facials, massages, manis and pedis, eyebrow waxing, etc. and don't forget the wonderful food and drinks!! There were ALOT of ladies there! I was fortunate enough to see several of my friends and even a bunch of ladies I knew from the Dream Center downtown. When I was getting my facial, I was laying next to one of the women from the Dream Center who I promise you, has never had a facial before and probably has only seen them in movies. I know for a fact she has lived on the streets, been beaten up by her boyfriend, and has a child addicted to meth. This is what Healing Place does best. They just love on these ladies, no strings attached. No bible thumping, hellfire and brimstone preaching, just God's love constantly. No one ever got saved and lived the life God intended for them to live out of fear of going to hell. HPC just spreads the love and serves the people in a million different ways, but Pamper Night has to be one of the best!!!

I didn't get to have my massage and pedi because Griff was running a fever and we had to leave. But I just feel so blessed to be part of a church that does stuff like this ALL the time (and did I mention it was free!). And of course, the night wouldn't have been complete with our menfolk trying to sneak in on the action. At the top is our two youth pastors, Tyler Tullos (Pastor T) and Jason Laird (Dr. Tweez, Tweezey, THE Tweez), two incredible guys trying to bust in on the girls' action! They should have made them wear skirts!!! :o)

Things I Want to Remember

There are moments in your life that you wish you could freeze. This is one of them. The was the first moment Griffin came into Cade's life. He had been very real to me for many months already. And even though Cade responded to countless "Come see this!!" moments, every time the baby started kicking, this was the REAL DEAL. He was finally a big brother. Cade held Griffin even before I did. There were moments that I remember from the birth, my mom cutting the cord, my friend Donna screaming, Here he comes! But there were two breathtaking moments during Griffin's birth. One was when I reached down and held his tiny hand even before I saw him. The other was when Cade held Griffin for the first time. I looked over from my hospital bed and though there must have been twenty people witnessing this very intimate moment, there was only us three. Cade looked at me, tears streaming down his face and said "Mom, he's so beautiful." I hadn't really cried until then. Heck, I'm weepy writing this now. It was just so beautiful that all I could do was cry. These boys were mine...both of them.
To be a mother has to be one of the greatest callings on earth. It took me 34 years to understand why my mother used to get so furious when I wouldn't call her to say I was going to be late. It took me lying in bed, debating on what hospitals to call first while my son was eating with some friends at Chili's at 10:30 at night, having the time of his life. What a burden a mother has to carry for each of her children. But what an amazing life!